SF4LS

The folks at San Francisco’s Pier 39 fondly remember Amy Lim as the gregarious and intelligent owner of SFALS (San Francisco Adores Lion Seals) the most popular store on the pier and a budding nationwide brand, despite the fact that sea lions are not seals.

Amy moved from Austin only ten months after becoming smitten with the California sea lions on a business trip. She couldn’t get the creatures out of her mind. They were more than just adorable... they had become her “spirit animal.”

Every day, she ate her lunch in the same spot at the corner of the pier, watching her "peeps" bask in the sun and bark hellos to her and to each other. 

Amy had names for all of them and would regale tourists with funny stories about each of them, encouraging the visitors to stop by the store and “ORT ORT” for a free SFALS sticker.

Some people say that the more time Amy spent with the Sea Lions, the more and more she began to resemble them. She ran up and down the boardwalk with her feet splayed, barked to them in the most realistic way, and had a seemingly endless appetite.

Her fellow shop owners said that Amy’s obsession was borderline unhealthy. She stopped doing activities with her friends after work. She started eating only sushi and later switched to eating only whole, raw fish that she bought from the local vendors.

Visitors were forbidden to feed the animals, but sometimes Amy couldn’t help herself, sneaking back to the pier under the cover of darkness and throwing fish onto the docks. She tried to disguise herself in a black hoodie, but from the Pier 39 live cam, it was obvious who it was.

She told the other workers, “They love me as much as I love them,” which is why, when she hopped the fence to feed them by hand one night, no one was surprised. And no one was surprised when the 800 lb creatures attacked her and the basket of fish she brought. Amy was crushed in the onslaught, but even more disconcerting, she was ripped apart and eaten by the sea lions that didn’t get fish.

The alert went out when Amy's employee Geoffrey arrived at an unopened SFALS store. Immediately, everyone thought to check the footage from the night before, and the bloodbath unfolded on the monitor.

There was a change in the air. The business owners along the Wharf mourned Amy’s passing and started a small shrine outside her store and in the corner where she ate her lunch every day. The sea lions were also agitated, now with a taste for meat and blood, they began to nip at each other, eventually satisfying their cravings by preying on the weakest.

From there, the infighting began in earnest and reached international attention. The pier was packed with onlookers and live cam traffic soared into the millions watching the giant mammals feast on each other until they were gorged.

The coast guard and animal rescue societies intervened, and ushered the animals out of the area, closing it off. But the remaining seals took their battle to nearby Alcatraz Island. Tour companies and private boats raised their rates tenfold to accommodate the huge demand for onsite viewing of the sea lion battles.

However, within two weeks, only one Sea Lion remained. The locals named him Duke, after the colossal poops he left on the banks of the island. It was reported, possibly a rumor, that one of Amy Lim’s Birkenstocks was found sticking out of the side of one pile. Maybe not so coincidentally, Birkenstock shares went up 25% that week.

Duke died later that year in an epic clash with a 20-foot great white, but that’s a story for another time.

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